courage

The past few years have taken me off track.

But throughout my foray into the business side of online video I kept praying inwardly, please let this teach me what I need to know about monetizing my online video work, so that I can get back to being what I am, an actor.

Now acting is hard. It’s hard for everyone for different reasons. Acting is hard for me because it addresses my deepest weakness- my belief that I don’t have a right to be me, to be here. To be seen. Try rehearsing a difficult play or performing brilliantly in a broadway audition when you don’t believe you belong. When you are certain that everyone in the room thinks you are a fraud, and hates you for it. (If this sounds insane to you, you are not an actor-being an artist, publicly, is hard.)

read more about my teacher

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No… I have not taken a three month world cruise that prevented me from writing my blog, nor have I eschewed the online world for the glaciated, unconnected wilderness of Denali National Park… I am neck deep in that which scares me (and excites me- perhaps I should flip those) the most…..

Things with Synchronis.tv are moving marvelously ahead.. I couldn’t be happier or busier or more challenged, intellectually, emotionally or spiritually… but what about my blog which prior to this had been partly focused on my video blog, “Question of the Week”?

The whole point of “Question of the Week” is to help people explore some of the perhaps subconscious thoughts that keep us from being all that we dream of being. “Question of the Week” is on hiatus as I push forward with my dream…but why not continue this blog by telling everyone about some of the amazing people I have met along this journey who share my mission in some way or another?

I have met some incredible people during this past year, but one that stands out is Sharon Melnick… here’s her picture..
[click to continue…]

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Ok.. i get what he’s saying… in fact I totally, passionatly agree with what he’s saying… but Dr. Atul Gawande, this months guest columnist for The New York Times, uses his column today to spin empty cultural vernacular on its head only to invent an equally empty and ineffective cultural vernacular.

In his column Dr. Gawande decries the officials at Walter Reed, saying “The real puzzle was how one institution could be responsible for helping to save the highest percentage of battle-wounded soldiers in history and for providing such disturbingly neglectful care afterward”… Dr. Gawande’s prescription… accepting the value of “negative thinking”

We Americans believe instinctively in the power of positive thinking. Whether one is fighting a cancer, an insurgency or just an unyielding problem at work, the prevailing wisdom is that thinking positive is the key — The Secret, even — to success. But the key, it seems to me, is actually negative thinking: looking for, and sometimes expecting, failure….

…Encouraged by leaders to think negative, medical staff members … reported on transport problems for the injured, soldiers’ not wearing their Kevlar, communication glitches, unexpected infections — and instituted changes to address them. The result: they are saving soldiers who’d never have been saved before….

Contrast this with the same leaders’ approach to care afterward. The independent review group found zero effort to track how soldiers were doing in rehabilitation. No one pushed to discover failures. As a result, failures were unrecognized, yet everywhere to be seen. The review group found the same problems The Washington Post had: disorganized, bureaucratic care with glaring gaps; dismal living conditions; dangerous staff shortages.

Negative thinking!!!???? That’s not negative thinking.. it is having the courage to honestly look at what is true… Very, Very different things.

An example of negative thinking?

“I’m not good enough”…

A statement that bears no truth whatsoever and is in fact wholly defeatest. That is negative.

Honestly assessing a situation, recognizing its strengths and its weakness and using that knowledge to affect important, often life saving, change… that is POSITIVE!

Why are so afraid of anything that doesn’t feel good that we have to label it as negative? Truth is beautiful… truth is always positive, if sometimes painful. Only by having the courage to look at what is TRUE, not what we want to be true, not what other people tell us should be true…but what we know deep in our guts is TRUE can we find both the wisdom and the courage to effect profound change, in our lives and in this world.

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ying yang

I found a post on one of my favorite blogs, 100 blogging babes, that I can’t get out of my mind… despite having commented on the blogging babes site. This particular post was by the delicious French Kitchen in America, in which the writer wonders why it is that Rachel Ray gets such a bad wrap….

Yes, the EVOO and the eyeballing and the “yumo” stuff are a bit much. So? You don’t have traits that annoy people? (I know I do!)

But really, is what she’s doing really so bad? I mean, not everyone can afford to buy top quality, organic items. Rachael Ray seems to be showing people how they can eat fairly decent food without spending a lot of time or money.

but to that I reply….

I don’t think the Rachel Ray backlash is so much about her food…….I think lots of people can appreciate an easy to cook meal that doesn’t break the bank…

I think its the cuteseyness…. and why? Cuz I think it sends a message that deep down Rachel Ray doesn’t think who she is is enough, [click to continue…]

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When Nick and I shoot I try very hard not to think about my answer to the question of the week (see previous entry) before he turns the camera on me… often I am completely surprised by what comes out of my mouth.. and generally that spontaneity results in really, really honest answers… but not always. When reviewing the footage, I can always tell if I am not telling the full truth by the the way I hold my mouth… if I am holding back in any you can almost touch the tension….
tension

so… if “producing my own show, because I finally decided that I was enough, and didn’t need anyone else to decide that for me”, wasn’t the most courageous thing I’ve ever done what is? [click to continue…]

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