But throughout my foray into the business side of online video I kept praying inwardly, please let this teach me what I need to know about monetizing my online video work, so that I can get back to being what I am, an actor.
Now acting is hard. It’s hard for everyone for different reasons. Acting is hard for me because it addresses my deepest weakness- my belief that I don’t have a right to be me, to be here. To be seen. Try rehearsing a difficult play or performing brilliantly in a broadway audition when you don’t believe you belong. When you are certain that everyone in the room thinks you are a fraud, and hates you for it. (If this sounds insane to you, you are not an actor-being an artist, publicly, is hard.)
It has been so long since I’ve posted to this blog…the sidebar widgets are sadly out of date, and my life has moved on in ways I would never have imagined since “Queston of the Week” first gave me wings.
I’ve thought about leaving this blog behind…and I might just do that… or perhaps I will bend it to more powerfully reflect where I am now in my life…
Nick and I are featured on Veoh’s show Viral this week… which isn’t just a wonderful thing… to me its an important thing… which has nothing to do with gaining exposure.
I am an actor and for so many years I lived completely in the world of auditioning… of waiting for someone else to tell me I was worth it… waiting for a nameless (and questionable?) panel behind a long folding table in a huge mirrored audition room to make my dreams come true.
Now, I know a ton of amazing people who are actors… but this atmosphere also seemed to breed a certain sense of “THERE IS NOT ENOUGH”, which can’t help but breed a sense of “IF I HELP YOU I RISK HURTING ME”… how else could one think when thousand and thousands of us are courting a miniscule amount of people who hold court over an equally minuscule amount of jobs.
This spilled over into our creative worlds as well. I have been ruminating on Chris Brogan’s blog for weeks now… about the boundless possibilities that are available to you when you work as a focused, passionate team… [click to continue…]
